:)

“Date a girl who reads. Date a girl who spends her money on books instead of clothes. She has problems with closet space because she has too many books. Date a girl who has a list of books she wants to read, who has had a library card since she was twelve.

Find a girl who reads. You’ll know that she does because she will always have an unread book in her bag.She’s the one lovingly looking over the shelves in the bookstore, the one who quietly cries out when she finds the book she wants. You see the weird chick sniffing the pages of an old book in a second hand book shop? That’s the reader. They can never resist smelling the pages, especially when they are yellow.

She’s the girl reading while waiting in that coffee shop down the street. If you take a peek at her mug, the non-dairy creamer is floating on top because she’s kind of engrossed already. Lost in a world of the author’s making. Sit down. She might give you a glare, as most girls who read do not like to be interrupted. Ask her if she likes the book.

Buy her another cup of coffee.

Let her know what you really think of Murakami. See if she got through the first chapter of Fellowship. Understand that if she says she understood James Joyce’s Ulysses she’s just saying that to sound intelligent. Ask her if she loves Alice or she would like to be Alice.

It’s easy to date a girl who reads. Give her books for her birthday, for Christmas and for anniversaries. Give her the gift of words, in poetry, in song. Give her Neruda, Pound, Sexton, Cummings. Let her know that you understand that words are love. Understand that she knows the difference between books and reality but by god, she’s going to try to make her life a little like her favorite book. It will never be your fault if she does.

She has to give it a shot somehow.

Lie to her. If she understands syntax, she will understand your need to lie. Behind words are other things: motivation, value, nuance, dialogue. It will not be the end of the world.

Fail her. Because a girl who reads knows that failure always leads up to the climax. Because girls who understand that all things will come to end. That you can always write a sequel. That you can begin again and again and still be the hero. That life is meant to have a villain or two.

Why be frightened of everything that you are not? Girls who read understand that people, like characters, develop. Except in the Twilightseries.

If you find a girl who reads, keep her close. When you find her up at 2 AM clutching a book to her chest and weeping, make her a cup of tea and hold her. You may lose her for a couple of hours but she will always come back to you. She’ll talk as if the characters in the book are real, because for a while, they always are.

You will propose on a hot air balloon. Or during a rock concert. Or very casually next time she’s sick. Over Skype.

You will smile so hard you will wonder why your heart hasn’t burst and bled out all over your chest yet. You will write the story of your lives, have kids with strange names and even stranger tastes. She will introduce your children to the Cat in the Hat and Aslan, maybe in the same day. You will walk the winters of your old age together and she will recite Keats under her breath while you shake the snow off your boots.

Date a girl who reads because you deserve it. You deserve a girl who can give you the most colorful life imaginable. If you can only give her monotony, and stale hours and half-baked proposals, then you’re better off alone. If you want the world and the worlds beyond it, date a girl who reads.

Or better yet, date a girl who writes."

-thedayisadream.tumblr.com

05/25/2013

Instead of poetry,
I make lists
My eyes look around,
always searching
Always unfocused

Instead of handwriting,
I type
My mind moves too fast
And my pen moves too slow

Instead of words coming easy,
I force them out
Consonant by vowel by phrase
It's too hard,
I'm too hard,
I lack the grace.

Yuck on Yum

I have been trying to better my self. If not in my physical surroundings, than in how I interact the world and what I do and how I behave.
It started out just looking people in the eye when they are talking to me. It shows confidence and that you are paying attention. There really isn't any good reason not to, just laziness and lack of good communication skills. It is actually harder than it seems and I have to constantly remind myself to do it. It unsettles some people and in others they too start maintaining eye contact when you talk to them. Now I find myself searching people's faces as they talk while doing an activity and I don't know...just recognize the life in them that needs to be seen and affirmed through proper communication. It's still a work in progress, but I'll get to the point where it's a natural thing to do eventually.
I have tried to tell people exactly how I feel and what I want and take others at their word. No mind games. No over analyzing. Pure communication. Bad communication ruins relationships and there is really no need for it. It is a poison and the faster you better your communication, the less anger and frustration you will have because of it.
I also have cut out insults that have to do with sexual promiscuity. I realize how often I use insults like 'whore' and 'slut' when I can't think of any other insult in my anger and get frustrated. First of all, no one should be called a whore. Not your wife, not your family members, not anyone. Who are you to make them feel bad abut who they have sexual contact with? Who am I? I've seen it hurt Ashley when all of her husband's friends called her a whore and it wore on her. She had a low self esteem and felt bad about hey marriage and the whore name calling was taken to heart. No one deserves that. And you should defend your wife or significant other if anyone calls them a slut. They should be important to you. You should cherish them and not let anyone call them names and make them feel bad abut themselves. And if a guy or girl has sex often, what is wrong with that? Especially if they aren't a Christian or have any religious qualms that are against it? Who are we to Harte on others for being more free with their sexuality? Is it because we have some superiority complex over people and think since we have intercourse less we are better? It's ridiculous and I refuse to use and weird that insult anyone for their sexual habits.
I just have to think of new insults when I'm angry.
Now, I have come to my newest endeavor. I watched a YouTube video on Zefrank1's channel and it's called 'Don't Yuck on my Yum'. It's just a cute little way of saying don't make people feel bad about liking the things they like just because you think it's stupid or that you like something better. God we have to stop thinking our opinions are gospel. I like One Direction, you like metal music. I like obscure Indie and folk bands and you listen to whatever plays on the radio. It's fine. We have different tastes. We like different things. We are different people. Me trashing what you like only makes you angry, feel bad about yourself, and in the end just spreads negativity. And all because we have a difference of opinion. I want to start letting people like what they like and be who they are with out putting in my superiority or my negativity.
Be who you are and say what you feel.
I'm not going to stop sharing my opinion, I'm just going to be less critical of others and let them like what they like. I will still not like Downton Abbey, but I'm not gonna belittle you and make you feel bad for liking such boring television. We like different things and love each other all the same.
My list of bettering myself will get longer as I find things I need to work on in my personality. The less unnecessary anger and fighting, the better I am. And the better the people around me are.

Oh the things going stir crazy can do to you.

My computer was glitching. Again. It's fifteen and a half inch screen flitted on and off as I repressed the urge to punch it violently. It was an issue with the backlight that i have been managing since it began to not work who knows how long ago. As I pressed hard on the power button, silencing its pain, I looked around the room wondering what i would do now.
I had options. I could go visit Lori or I could have went with Huong to get my hair cut...but I didn't. Now my one source of diversion in my stasis, my computer, was out for the count today.
I didn't want to watch tv. I didn't want to stare at my phone. No one was chatting with me.
My brain felt like it was going to burst.
Then my brain planted some stupid idea in my head...and of course I went along with it.
I checked the locks on the front door and I changed my clothes.
I scouted pinterest and began exercising.
The temperature in the apartment was easily eighty degrees so I sweat fairly soon, but that was okay. I made a list of the exercises I did while my head kept thinking 'retrain your brain'. I think that saying came from a commercial that repeats it over and over again and obviously it made a subconscious impact.
I ended up doing like five different exercises and then for some god-awful reason I looked over at the empty can of soda I had earlier and thought 'nope'.
I began to grab various drinks in the kitchen and made my very own, very unscientific juice drink.
Let's just say it's mostly water and tea. My one thought was: no sugar!
It didn't come out that bad and mostly tastes like weak tea.

So yeah I'm going to be drinking this down no problem.

My body feels normal and I'm no longer stir crazed.

I just want to sip my drink and write. Like I am in the mood to write. It's a good feeling.

So hopefully I keep this exercising up and get it more complex. It wakes up my brain in the best of ways.

I guess I sorta want to 'retrain my brain' by giving energy to it through exercising my body.

If i get physical results so be it, but I'm more focused on my mind.

It's almost 3 am and I'm drinking stale water that tastes faintly of orange juice from a Big Gulp cup and reading Shakespeare Sonnets aloud to myself

"Take all my loves, my love, yea, take them all:
What hast thou then more than thou hadst before?
No love, my love, that thou mayst true love call—
All mine was thine before thou hadst this more.
Then if for my love thou my love receivest,
I cannot blame thee for my love thou usest;
But yet be blamed if thou this self deceivest
By wilful taste of what thyself refusest.
I do forgive thy robb’ry, gentle thief,
Although thou steal thee all my poverty;
And yet love knows it is a greater grief
To bear love’s wrong than hate’s known injury.
Lascivious grace, in whom all ill well shows,
Kill me with spites, yet we must not be foes."

Sonnet 40