“How odd, I can have all this inside me 

and to you it’s just words.” 

- David Foster Wallace

1. When you cut yourself, clean and bandage it.
2. Do not start smoking cigarettes because the boy who broke your heart does.
3. When you want to kill yourself, don’t.
4. Cutting calories doesn’t do anything but make you unhappy.
5. If the number on the scale rises, throw it out.
6. The first girl you ever “date” is going to call the police on you even though she lives three thousand miles away, because you’re going to tell her that you’re not in a good mental state shortly after you’ve “broken up”.
7. When you want to kill yourself, don’t.
8. Break up with the boy who says, “You had a sexy phase!” when you tell him that you’ve dated a girl before.
9. Dating your friends is not always the best idea, but you can still be friends after you’ve broken up with her.
10. Your mother will try to become your best friend because you’re leaving for college soon. Let her.
11. When you want to kill yourself, don’t.
12. Your closest friend will stop talking to you when you leave for college.
13. It’s okay to cry.
14. When you want to kill yourself, don’t.
15. When you cut yourself again, clean and bandage it. Do not be ashamed.
16. Your anxiety is going to try and control your entire life. Tell it to shut the hell up, because you’re trying to live and that task is hard enough as it is.
17. The past has a funny way of coming back in the form of you developing a crush on another friend.
18. Try not to hate yourself for breaking up with your boyfriend.
19. If you’re still smoking, apologize silently to your mother.
20. When you want to kill yourself, don’t.

-(Source)

I've been thinking about death, about dying, a lot more than I'd ever admit. The shaking, the dread, the give up at the end and the drift.

I'm falling for the idea of that drift, that escape.

And so if you ask me what I'm going to do with my future and I say not die, that's not a sarcastic or empty sentiment.