sudden

will i collapse with this flag in my hand?
with a head full of snow?
and will i be
apart of this world
or could it be
that this future i have in store
will mean so much more?

and here am i
stagnant and dust
will you be proud of me?
i have carried my gun, lifted it high,
lost all my breath
should i have taken it slow?

and oh my God,
what do you see
please help me.
the memories are too cold,
my hands shake too hard


will i make it past the day,
make it past tomorrow,
will i get to see this future i am to follow?

i have to cut this off
my head hurts to be held this high
barely above the ground
withered and hungry
will you find me?

i stand
arms raised high
eyes focused on
this look of love
that you have, carried in
this sudden collapse
of heart and head and soul

and oh my God,
what do you see
please help me
because i can see this world
as i carry this gun

and its hard not to repeat
the action of lifting it to my head
and failing you again,

and oh my God
can you see,
do you know...

will i collapse with this flag in my hand,
cleansed with your blood
white as snow
in the sudden surrender,
as you look upon me,
this past, present and future
and create me still.

~brittany