Shaking

I've out my hands
into gluttonous caverns
afraid,
eyes shut,
cringing

that is behind me
lost in memory

i want to search,
taste the sweetness
that i lost long ago
i'll make no apologies
as i continue,
did i regret it?
does it matter?

precious voices
lull me
as if their sweetness
was meant for me
because much of these
past months
have sucked it out of me
leaving me bitter,
pressured

singing boys,
perfect hands
leave me smiling
because this has time for sweetness
before the pressure

how i miss the sweetness
i open my mouth,
taste,
and let them take the bitter from me
and fill me with hope and, shaking, i will have the sweetness

who can cushion me with it?
before the weight can come,
before my shoulders stoop?
before i find myself drowning?

and, shaking, you will fill me
protect me
encase me
complete me with something foreign
something that i lack

before the pressure comes,
before the caverns open up and suck me in again.

~brittany

(1-11-10)