We Are Motionless

We are motionless.
Captivated by some kind
of beauty and of creation
configured to transfix us
into a state of paralysis.

We are rocks.
Some of us cut the earth
proud, statuesque, monuments we are.
Others are eroded,
morphed into nothing by crushing waters,
ever immobile, ever lacking freedom.

We are dancers.
The freedom we gain
in the act of flight and the act of life
and every step we take,
takes us that much closer,
takes us so far away.

We are limits.
In and of ourselves,
telling time when to come,
telling time that we're letting it go,
forever immobile.

We stand, ever motionless
before the chasm of our time,
forgoing the erosion for our freedom
We become dancers
and set our limits
and break them with our limbs.
We are motionless,
fearless,
and full of power.
~brittany
10/11/10

Broken (forced nails)

Painted face
of a Fierce warrior,
broken hands
of an infant force.

broken hands form a hammer
that forces a nail between your eyes,
driven in with the weight of,
all your regrets
all of your sin
that u find
you do not really hate
your vices are great
and your strength
is so frail.
Glass heart,
shattered with the pressure of
the courage you could of had,
and with the vices,
embedded into your dried and whithered flesh

forced nails in between your head...
driving out all your imperfections,
your indiscretions....
your sins are now His....
forced nails in between
broken hands, broken lungs, fragile limbs...
we're all bad in a way of self infliction-
we try to heal those holes,
but they just crack deeper into depraved flesh...
we are
slaves to the repetition of pain.
and one again you add nails to the hand.

Self destruction knows no greater torment,
then to torment the one who Loves.
despite the torture,
by the hand of the sinner,
who is damned with out
the heart of the One,
broken upon that tree,
that we placed Him upon,
so stupid-so selfish-so willingly
He gave up His body selflessly,

A body so
sinless, perfect
Our hands do the motions that
we cannot control, by emotion,
And after, we are convicted...
oh Savior our Love...
He will heal our glass hearts,
our imperfection,

He will pick up
the stressed pieces
of our damned glass hearts,
and petition His perfect Father,
to take us home
despite our broken hands,
our hammered scorn,
and in the beginning of our Forever,
We will be with Him
forgiven,
pieced back together,
dried flesh anew as something,
more then the vices we made
out of our lives,
more than the uncourageous footpaths
that we have traversed,
now walking with the One,
who healed us as we shed His blood
to spend the endless days,
caught up in His
unchanging-unwavering grace
and love,
Amen.
~brittany and huong nam
10/09/10 via facebook.
(( aka fernando and hoolio.))

Your Post, Your Time

Don't you weep,
My king,
show them courage
show them your pride
Don't show weakness,
Your Highness,
don't give an inch.

If it were easy,
my master,
then any lay person
would be on that
throne,
but no, it's you
your destiny, of the lineage
of God
that grants you
your post,
Oh King,
don't you weep.

Your decisions are written
in stone
your decrees, mandatory
all who love you
will follow where you lead them

Forget that you're just a man,
forget that there's human
frailness in you.
Your people, oh King,
need you.
Don't you weep.

Dole out consequences
with an iron rod
kill your opposition
and leave no rebellious
heart, unpunished
For you, great and mighty king,
deserve allegiance,
deserve all the respect
and responsibilities of your high chair

Citizens come and go,
and while your decrees
may cost the lives of many sons ,
Your country will be safe.
While your decisions
may kill many women and men,
think not of them as individuals,
think of the greater good of your kingdom.
for you will be remembered for your
courage, oh king.

Don't you weep,
you lion of a man
Don't show weakness,
Don't give an inch
forget the lives lost-
clothed in gold and purple riches,
wealth upon the backs of the dead and dying,
Don't you weep,
as you sit on your throne,
this is your time
and by God,
you will be remembered for it.
~Brittany
9/24/10

Crossfire

I find that my heartbeats
too easily out number the stars
overhead.
Polluted by light,
I cannot even count one
in the sky.
He spoke of freedom
through a sinner's soul,
laced in alcohol,
he moved mountains to find me whole
And I,
with all my beliefs
and my convictions,
with my God
and my dreams,
am at a loss
I don't know who's footsteps
to follow

So I try to blend,
to mold myself into the dirt
making the compromises that you
could never know
would never understand

He brought me into the
world of yellow birds
and swam with me into
the drowning waters
and showed me the
shadowy man watching overhead
Out of his voice
poured words that crushed me,
that gave me a new home.

Out on the road,
like his destined soul
is where my heart hides
nestled with him in the backseat
of an old broken down van
shivering, the weather's so unforgiving
as we hug our thoughts
and shoulder our dreams like a cross

But my God,
I am to live with Him
for Him,
my soul belongs in His hands-
and while my broken hearted crooner
wraps his arms around me,
whispering the words of my heart-
I still am a child of His

so I'm caught
in the crossfire
of who i need to be
and who i long to be
In the battlefield,
I have dug myself a hole
i have planted myself in the middle
of compromises enough to save my soul
and to keep my heart whole.
~Brittany
10/07/10

After A Loss

I am here
with ghosts of...
with memories of...
(these are his clothes,
where do i put them?)

paralyzed, I sit in his room
trying to will him back
he's gone, he's gone
the sirens have ended
the police are done
(don't touch his clothes,
don't touch anything)

days pass
i am lost in a fog,
a world of nightmares
the only things that are real,
that can bring me to real life
are the memories of my dead little boy
(I know it's hard,
I miss him too,
but you have to move on.
He'd want that.)

This pain hurts
i can't shake it
i won't let it go
the pain is the only reminder
that he ever was
that i had him,
that i once held him
(Mom, he was a child
he didn't know what he wanted.
just go, please go
I'll see you tomorrow)

Tears have long been strangled
faces of pity have turned to annoyance
i shove my way through the flood
of bodies, of life
on some level i know this isn't right
but his death overwhelms me
(No!
I come here everyday,
to see my daughter wasting away!
I lost him too!
I miss him too!
but you can't continue like this!)

No end in sight,
no end in...
no end in sight,
no peace in...
no end in sight,
no hope in...
no end in sight,
I'm lost in...
(Okay ma, i'll stop
I'll put the boxes away,
I'll pack away his things)

Whispered promises,
all the things i taught him...
all the plastic pieces that brought him happiness
does Death look down on me?
Does it watch me?
does it send gusts of memories
just to leave me paralyzed?
(as she leaves,
i carefully shut the front door,
i walk to his room,
i stare at the boxes)

I am left here
paralyzed in his room
lost in memories, that i cling t
to keep me afloat
I won't overcome,
eventually i will fall...
i will drown...
memories, objects, pictures, clothes,
prove that he was real,
that he lived,
that i once could hold him,
that he was once mine.
(I pick up the empty boxes
and place them beside the trash can,
I press play on the dvd player
and i hear his voice,
...home videos of my little boy...
The volume is loud,
and i can breathe again
my son is there, he is smiling
i collapse in his room
staring blankly at the walls
and i can feel him
i can feel the pain
and i need him
his memories bring me to life again.)
~brittany
4/15/10
((...its soo long!...))