Mind's Exercise

Sluggish thoughts
slow conclusions
spilling over the brim
of my cup
useless words
filling the tree
of my brain
with gaudy baubles

wafting in and out
of conscious and unconscious tremblings
my heavy being
is weighted by heartless things,
anchored by unbearable things,
by chains,
that hold me knee deep
wadding in quicksand

silly diversions
fleeting entertainment
filling my stupid cup
and dripping down its sides,
just useless words
constant banter, back and forth-
become the excuses i use
to stay sinking

Eyes are hungering
but i leave them wanting,
my body is dying
And my being-
all these empty bits
cry out
to be used
to be exercised
and not to grow fat off of diversions
My Cup,
screams to be thrown
against the walls
and to be shattered

The contents
I wish to pour
all over
countless places
dozens of faces
and, in my mind's exercise
live.
~brittany
12/04/10

Only By The Night

Analogies of
his hands, his feet, his sides
would never sooth my pride
could never quell
the swollen swell
of my self-inflicted crimes
of passion, of pain, of self indulgence

Only by the night
can i see any kind of foggy light
in the distance
to guide my reddened eyes
to a place of sick peace
Only in this demented light
can I feast
on things as sweet
and as bitter
as my Savior's blood

Whispers of
desperate choices and infected people-
devouring the heart of this place-
brought me to images,
distorted pictures of heros
bathed in a golden-blood stained
light

Only by the night
can I put on my cape,
my mask,
and bring to light
the fools who have destroyed me
who have broken down the love in me,
only in this corrupted light,
my vision stains the place,
my fists fight whatever grace,
I come accross

Storms of
culture and printed press
smother me
they hold me close
and use me to satisfy their hunger
moments at a time
We am United under lies and diversion
and, finding our visions distorted,
we gather in the dark places

Only By The Night
can we even catch a glimpse
of the light of our lives
but, like the cave dwelling dead,
we scatter from it
Only with the Light
Can we be healed from,
the feasts that starve us
but we scatter from it.

Destinies of
my past and future crimes
i am a hero,
with mask and cape and figurative flight
my hands and feet and sides
are broken and open and dying inside,
as i scatter, as we scatter, from the Light.
~brittany
(11-11-10)

We Are Motionless

We are motionless.
Captivated by some kind
of beauty and of creation
configured to transfix us
into a state of paralysis.

We are rocks.
Some of us cut the earth
proud, statuesque, monuments we are.
Others are eroded,
morphed into nothing by crushing waters,
ever immobile, ever lacking freedom.

We are dancers.
The freedom we gain
in the act of flight and the act of life
and every step we take,
takes us that much closer,
takes us so far away.

We are limits.
In and of ourselves,
telling time when to come,
telling time that we're letting it go,
forever immobile.

We stand, ever motionless
before the chasm of our time,
forgoing the erosion for our freedom
We become dancers
and set our limits
and break them with our limbs.
We are motionless,
fearless,
and full of power.
~brittany
10/11/10

Broken (forced nails)

Painted face
of a Fierce warrior,
broken hands
of an infant force.

broken hands form a hammer
that forces a nail between your eyes,
driven in with the weight of,
all your regrets
all of your sin
that u find
you do not really hate
your vices are great
and your strength
is so frail.
Glass heart,
shattered with the pressure of
the courage you could of had,
and with the vices,
embedded into your dried and whithered flesh

forced nails in between your head...
driving out all your imperfections,
your indiscretions....
your sins are now His....
forced nails in between
broken hands, broken lungs, fragile limbs...
we're all bad in a way of self infliction-
we try to heal those holes,
but they just crack deeper into depraved flesh...
we are
slaves to the repetition of pain.
and one again you add nails to the hand.

Self destruction knows no greater torment,
then to torment the one who Loves.
despite the torture,
by the hand of the sinner,
who is damned with out
the heart of the One,
broken upon that tree,
that we placed Him upon,
so stupid-so selfish-so willingly
He gave up His body selflessly,

A body so
sinless, perfect
Our hands do the motions that
we cannot control, by emotion,
And after, we are convicted...
oh Savior our Love...
He will heal our glass hearts,
our imperfection,

He will pick up
the stressed pieces
of our damned glass hearts,
and petition His perfect Father,
to take us home
despite our broken hands,
our hammered scorn,
and in the beginning of our Forever,
We will be with Him
forgiven,
pieced back together,
dried flesh anew as something,
more then the vices we made
out of our lives,
more than the uncourageous footpaths
that we have traversed,
now walking with the One,
who healed us as we shed His blood
to spend the endless days,
caught up in His
unchanging-unwavering grace
and love,
Amen.
~brittany and huong nam
10/09/10 via facebook.
(( aka fernando and hoolio.))

Your Post, Your Time

Don't you weep,
My king,
show them courage
show them your pride
Don't show weakness,
Your Highness,
don't give an inch.

If it were easy,
my master,
then any lay person
would be on that
throne,
but no, it's you
your destiny, of the lineage
of God
that grants you
your post,
Oh King,
don't you weep.

Your decisions are written
in stone
your decrees, mandatory
all who love you
will follow where you lead them

Forget that you're just a man,
forget that there's human
frailness in you.
Your people, oh King,
need you.
Don't you weep.

Dole out consequences
with an iron rod
kill your opposition
and leave no rebellious
heart, unpunished
For you, great and mighty king,
deserve allegiance,
deserve all the respect
and responsibilities of your high chair

Citizens come and go,
and while your decrees
may cost the lives of many sons ,
Your country will be safe.
While your decisions
may kill many women and men,
think not of them as individuals,
think of the greater good of your kingdom.
for you will be remembered for your
courage, oh king.

Don't you weep,
you lion of a man
Don't show weakness,
Don't give an inch
forget the lives lost-
clothed in gold and purple riches,
wealth upon the backs of the dead and dying,
Don't you weep,
as you sit on your throne,
this is your time
and by God,
you will be remembered for it.
~Brittany
9/24/10

Crossfire

I find that my heartbeats
too easily out number the stars
overhead.
Polluted by light,
I cannot even count one
in the sky.
He spoke of freedom
through a sinner's soul,
laced in alcohol,
he moved mountains to find me whole
And I,
with all my beliefs
and my convictions,
with my God
and my dreams,
am at a loss
I don't know who's footsteps
to follow

So I try to blend,
to mold myself into the dirt
making the compromises that you
could never know
would never understand

He brought me into the
world of yellow birds
and swam with me into
the drowning waters
and showed me the
shadowy man watching overhead
Out of his voice
poured words that crushed me,
that gave me a new home.

Out on the road,
like his destined soul
is where my heart hides
nestled with him in the backseat
of an old broken down van
shivering, the weather's so unforgiving
as we hug our thoughts
and shoulder our dreams like a cross

But my God,
I am to live with Him
for Him,
my soul belongs in His hands-
and while my broken hearted crooner
wraps his arms around me,
whispering the words of my heart-
I still am a child of His

so I'm caught
in the crossfire
of who i need to be
and who i long to be
In the battlefield,
I have dug myself a hole
i have planted myself in the middle
of compromises enough to save my soul
and to keep my heart whole.
~Brittany
10/07/10

After A Loss

I am here
with ghosts of...
with memories of...
(these are his clothes,
where do i put them?)

paralyzed, I sit in his room
trying to will him back
he's gone, he's gone
the sirens have ended
the police are done
(don't touch his clothes,
don't touch anything)

days pass
i am lost in a fog,
a world of nightmares
the only things that are real,
that can bring me to real life
are the memories of my dead little boy
(I know it's hard,
I miss him too,
but you have to move on.
He'd want that.)

This pain hurts
i can't shake it
i won't let it go
the pain is the only reminder
that he ever was
that i had him,
that i once held him
(Mom, he was a child
he didn't know what he wanted.
just go, please go
I'll see you tomorrow)

Tears have long been strangled
faces of pity have turned to annoyance
i shove my way through the flood
of bodies, of life
on some level i know this isn't right
but his death overwhelms me
(No!
I come here everyday,
to see my daughter wasting away!
I lost him too!
I miss him too!
but you can't continue like this!)

No end in sight,
no end in...
no end in sight,
no peace in...
no end in sight,
no hope in...
no end in sight,
I'm lost in...
(Okay ma, i'll stop
I'll put the boxes away,
I'll pack away his things)

Whispered promises,
all the things i taught him...
all the plastic pieces that brought him happiness
does Death look down on me?
Does it watch me?
does it send gusts of memories
just to leave me paralyzed?
(as she leaves,
i carefully shut the front door,
i walk to his room,
i stare at the boxes)

I am left here
paralyzed in his room
lost in memories, that i cling t
to keep me afloat
I won't overcome,
eventually i will fall...
i will drown...
memories, objects, pictures, clothes,
prove that he was real,
that he lived,
that i once could hold him,
that he was once mine.
(I pick up the empty boxes
and place them beside the trash can,
I press play on the dvd player
and i hear his voice,
...home videos of my little boy...
The volume is loud,
and i can breathe again
my son is there, he is smiling
i collapse in his room
staring blankly at the walls
and i can feel him
i can feel the pain
and i need him
his memories bring me to life again.)
~brittany
4/15/10
((...its soo long!...))

Unfamiliar Places

Voices are heard
devices that bring us together
have never made us more apart
A slight of hand leaves a man destitute
A lipsticked mouth robs a woman
and we continue on,
colliding head first into out vices
Unfamiliar people set traps
guarded by their electronic screens
wielding weapons of devastation,
a product of-
our own consent
Voices are read
in tiny text boxes
leaving all meaning lost
in the chaotic underbelly
where greedy eyes grow fat
off of pictures
that depict man in treachery
and the eyes gloat
in their findings
of films that eat your soul-
only a click away
from damaging us all
Voices are silenced
as unfamiliar people invade our lives
left open in search boxes
we are left
unable to stop them
unaware of their corroding desires
as we sit behind an electronic screen
toying with weapons of devastation
a product of
our own design.
~brittany
9/21/10

D (a love story) aisies

daisies sit here on my desk
reminding me of spring
outside the winter's so cold
i wish the birds could still sing

daisies rest in my hair, like a crown
and he makes sure they are just right
spring has come and with it he has come
and he enraptures my sight

daisies on the fabric of his sheets
as we tumble on them
summer's so full of hope
and i love him

daisies stitched on his hospital gown
always with a smile,
he says everything's gonna be okay
that he'll be better in a little while

daisies on his mother's purse
fall has come with sirens loud
screaming-fighting-crying
to death, my love, has bowed

daisies long sprinkled on a grave
he has gone way too soon
from my desk, i stare out at the frozen land
slamming the vase, cursing the immortal winter moon.
~brittany
4/24/10

Wind

in gusts
and frozen gasps
i am assailed.
by drifts
of currents and
of time
i find myself
in motion
Turned by winds
that I've grown to hate

My limbs
turn to liquid
and I am torn
between being stationary
or something wicked
Flowing in time
keeping with
things that drag me along
I am an unwilling participant
in wind's embrace

I called upon deities
to keep me still
I nailed my feet to the earth
to keep myself from wandering
but unheard
and uprooted
I am tossed
int this fury again
Losing my breath again
Losing my footing
hating this unseen pressure
this dictator of wills
that I,
try hard to fight against
yet fail again

But no,
mirrors encase me
as I curse the wind
they spin in circles
'round me
whirling violently
I throw myself against them
and in the reflective chaos
I realize I have no
reflection

just gusts
and frozen gasps
drifts of currents and of time
turned by winds-
I am wind-
turned my mechanisims
of my own design.
~brittany
4-18-10

Answer My Call

I hear them running,
this is their fall.
Hold on tightly My Dear,
Grab your child for there is fear.
I'll protect you from the screams,
the demons will always taint your dreams
but, my Love, it's your salty kiss-
the one thing i'll always miss...
but i am here just in time
Grab my hand, I'll protect yours and mine.
I need you to stay alive,
through all the terrors, to you, I strive
There is a pain here-
there are demons that weep out fear-
Blood pours into eyes,
and corroding like acid, everything dies.
Your sheild, your sacrifice, I swear i'll be.
This is my heart, you hold the key
And yet, my call goes through
They're all safe, i'm looking for you
You're lost in his selfish kiss
I'm lost in this faulty bliss.
I see the cracks, there they are
Oh my love, our hearts are so far
Grab your child, keep her close
For there is you, with out me,
that saddens me most.
~brittany
3/22/10
((..about a friend...))

the curse and the thirst

it was as though he was born thirsting
born with an unquenchable thirst
for a liquid nitrogen-
for the poison of the soul
alcohol claimed his life,
his all
The thirst is what took him from me
took him and raped him and left him...
broken and addicted
He is so far from me
as the poison courses down his throat,
his beautiful throat,
it sings to his soul,
drowning out my screams,
in his last indulgence
the only one that remains in him
within his longings
His eyes meet mine,
glazed, red, feverish
he closes them
As he brings the bottle to his lips
I take it and I smash it onto the ground
The crash echoes,
the sounds bounce off the caverns between us
"I love you," I scream at him,
"but I can't compete with that!"
Leaving was the hardest thing i could do
as I walked away
my chest collapsed
my body felt lit on fire
burning in this curse
conflicted and angry
I ran down nameless streets
trying to out run my curse
I set myself against abuses
trying to squelch out my love of him
sirens sounded-
lights flased-
almost desperately
I loved him and it was too much for me to bear
a million nights i have gone to sleep
and a million times i have found myself drowning in nightmares
to a broken, hollowed heart...

it seemed as though he was born thirsting,
and i was cursed to love him despite it.
~brittany
12/13/09
((...another random one, i dont really like it though...))

The A.T.

Blistered feet,
one before the other
before the other, another one
open sores, open air
continuing on,
they'll tread worn paths,
they'll be led on
terrible green,
so lush, so pure
so maddening, so still
only the sounds
of footsteps
of breathing
of wasps
instrument a soundtrack
with complaints and wistful dreams
long into the night
and dark are thos nights
spent in filthy shelters
hiding from bears
weight upn tired backs,
holding a burden, a primal need
alng an ancient trail
following dedications past
they continue, on
blistered feet,
one before the other,
before the other, another one.
~brittany
1/6/09
i wish that i could put the proper indents on my poems, makes them broken up more nicely.

In The Rain

The words
drip off my tongue
like a bitter herbal syrup
and fall into your mouth
The rain is falling here,
but i can still see you
This pain is hurting here
but I'll keep it a secret

the machines
grind into my core
making odd beeping noises
and producing a creature
just for you
the rain is falling here
how i fear each drop
the pain, in secret, is here
will it ever stop?

the ocean
creates cascading waves
that crush me into you
and i can't escape you,
do i want to?
the rain is falling here
yet you sheild me from it
the pain, in secret, hurts here
and are you the one to save me from it?

the bomb
explodes over our heads
I am running, trying to find you
as the rubble collides,
as the shrapnel slices
The rain is falling here
and i can see you
the pain, in secret, hurts here
can you feel it?

the rain,
it embraces me
and most willingly
I fall into it
you reach out, grabbing my arm
pulling me back,
holding me

In the rain,
the pain hurts worse here.
~brittany (...4/4/09, just some old poem i found, ha...))

This Flesh Was Meant to be Tamed

This Flesh
was formed out of clay
molded by Everlasting Hands
and placed onto the earth

This Flesh
was selfish
and chose to sin,
chose depravity over beauty

This Flesh
is meant to be
tamed
it was never meant
for earthly indulgence

This Flesh
is meant to be exhausted,
drained of all energy,
tightened and mastered

Indulgence,
like a poison,
fattens the Flesh
Sexual depravity
corrodes the soul
as it invades the Flesh

And this Flesh,
i am master over
each and every disgusting bit
This Flesh
will not be given to indulgence
or the obesity of a depraved America
This Flesh
will be tamed

will be stretched,
shrunk,
denied,
molded....

whipped and tortured

Until the daylight strikes it
and the soul leaves it
This Flesh will go back to clay
as withered and dry
as the soul is taken up
by Everlasting Hands
where it can't be hurt

Before the day comes
This Flesh was meant to be tamed
and into bloody, emaciated
clay,
i will grind it.
~brittany
7/27/10

(( my view on insecurities...))

Carpe Noctem

I fell into the night
like a dirty sin
i fell into it
and couldn't willingly take myself out of it

i fell into your tempter's kiss,
locked lips with the devil,
tasted your poison,
felt my soul go into an ice cold shock,
and went to hell because of it

This Daylight Dancer that i am
fell hard into the cold
wallowed in your murky depths
grew pale in the moonlight

And you, my cold devil,
i fell in love with
"come, come with me" i offered
to heal your broken soul
but, full of fear and without glancing back
you turned, disappeared
and you threw me away,
like soiled rags
i was tossed back into day

in my weakness i long for you still,
i long for your icy caresses
and your violent love
in the daylight, i am alone
and i shy away from the shadows
like some kind of penance

so that i will never see you again
and never hold onto your cold again

i fell into the night
carpe noctem, carpe noctem
i was encased in your cold
and i never wanted to leave
but you threw me out
carpe noctem
carpe noctem
but this Daylight soul that i am
seemed never meant to have it

The sun glares down on me
in anger for ever straying
the wind chills me to my core
a constant reminder of you and i
and how terribly i miss you still
"carpe noctem" like some sick joke i tell my self
"carpe noctem," and watch it take your heart and tear it to bits
"carpe noctem"
and feel the cold break you down

how i miss you still, oh devil,
and your sweet lips-
My greatest sin
and my coldest love.

~brittany
6/27/10

Carpe Diem

I deal in secrets
and in the light of you kiss
I almost spilled them from my lips
I am alive in violence
and when your warm hands caressed my chest
my heart burned and shied away from it
my body is like the wind
and i let you fall through my embrace,
This is one Dancer i cannot beat
and so i will hide myself from you

My addiction is slowly winning
My drug scorches my flesh
in the light if this strange day,
i am blackened by it
"come, come with me" i remember you saying
offering to heal me
But in my fear i ran away
to protect myself from you
Yet, even now, my thoughts are caged by your sweet name
by your sickening warmth
and while i deprive myself from you
my masochistic memories replay all of you,
for me
tearing me apart over and over again

Carpe diem, carpe diem
my heart screams
my soul longs
but, deranged, i deny myself
stifling my heart's voice

carpe diem
carpe diem
seize the one who makes you alive!

I deal in secrets
and not in the light of day
Strange it seems
that my once greedy hands
refrain from taking you as mine
I am alive in violence
and in this masochistic night that i dwell in
I cannot embrace your daylight too

I deny myself of you
and continue to live my life without your light and your warmth
and your love

i deal in secrets
and, like a dying corpse,
i hide in the dark ground
like the wind, i am with you
unseen, fleeting
longing to hold you
longing for carpe diem
but this noctem
will never allow it.

~brittany
6/27/10

In A Life That You Hate

Call me a safe bet,
I'm betting I'm not
Say that you won't get hurt,
but I just might tear you apart

You are so weak and so frail
so green and so new
learning to stand
upon your own legs so soon

I come sweeping in
like a bird of prey
giving you a brand new day
in a life that you will one day hate
Praying you'll forgive me

Your eyes are open wide
and you watch me descend
I cry out and trample
you tender body's broken in
Stealing your first fruits

for they are your sacrifice to me
a vulture for young things,
new hearts and sad boys

Call me a safe bet
but your odds don't look so good
say that it's too solid to break
until the day comes and I
cause it to implode

Your body's a canvas
of flesh and of bone
so bitterly young
untouched, uncaressed
Boy I'll steal your first kiss
and drain you of life

You think your age can protect,
that you've seen it all
but when I dig my claws in you
you'll see just how wrong

you are

I'll leave you bleeding
in the corner of your room,
telling you that no matter how hard you tried
it just wasn't good enough

I'll spread my wings
and fly into the air
A brand new day comes
in a life that you'll hate
picked apart by a vulture
and left,

My only hope is as time goes
you chalk it up to learning
and one day
you can forgive
me.
~brittany
4/24/10

Secret

My lips are blistered,
my laughter is forced,
i have a fear
oh my Young one-
i have a fear

my bones-they break.
my facade of nonchalance, dies
i have a pain,
oh my Love-
i have a pain

My lungs are filled with this
water that i have been drowning in.
My words can't explain why
i have let myself die.
Oh Good Warmth,
i have let myself die

My honesty is barred
my path is so dead.
I won't tell,
oh my One,
i won't tell
you-

Why i have gotten so removed
Oh Dear Love,
you'll never see it.

I want to love-
Good Warmth,
will i ever feel it?

my lips are blistered,
i'm so cold
my bones-they break
i just might fold
my lungs are filled,
i have let myself drown
my dishonesty has created a monster
and fashioned me a crown.

~brittany (11-20-09)

The Thaw

Darkness has always been my light
a bitter laugh, full of little delight
my heart was always filled with holes
letting the cold in, i almost had it frozen
Silly girls spiked me on their trail
with their poisoned words and their lies they did impale
me
letting me alone, with only pain sown
i had died or almost left this earth
filled with an odd calm and unbidden mirth
many times
yet something always kept me here, something that gave me fear
i'd lay in my watery grave at night
tossing, turning, waiting to see that final light
not knowing why i lived
letting my hope fall to pieces, not knowing exactly what i needed
until a simple, sweet phrase was spoken to me
until a nervous smile on warm lips set me free
what is this warmth?
what is this creature here, and why do i want her near?
she would reach out to my form
and i found myself taking hold of her, finding myself warmed
she would grip my hand tight
out of darkness into sunlight
to be burned alive, out of the frosty caverns
she spilled out secrets with sloppy words
she tasted and i spoke and we both heard
the final thaw
my heart escaped the cold
to pump and rage and be beautifully bold
and like a sleepwalker in the audience,
jerked awake by circumstance,
i stood up in the stands
and she led me by the hands
to the stage, to this burning page
and on her lips i did sear-
on her heart i did make clear-
that i was here, i was alive
and as the final overture came to a close
i found myself living, life filling my holes
i found myself living
i found myself alive
i found myself needing
and wanting
and filling
i found myself.

~brittany
3/09/10

Shaking

I've out my hands
into gluttonous caverns
afraid,
eyes shut,
cringing

that is behind me
lost in memory

i want to search,
taste the sweetness
that i lost long ago
i'll make no apologies
as i continue,
did i regret it?
does it matter?

precious voices
lull me
as if their sweetness
was meant for me
because much of these
past months
have sucked it out of me
leaving me bitter,
pressured

singing boys,
perfect hands
leave me smiling
because this has time for sweetness
before the pressure

how i miss the sweetness
i open my mouth,
taste,
and let them take the bitter from me
and fill me with hope and, shaking, i will have the sweetness

who can cushion me with it?
before the weight can come,
before my shoulders stoop?
before i find myself drowning?

and, shaking, you will fill me
protect me
encase me
complete me with something foreign
something that i lack

before the pressure comes,
before the caverns open up and suck me in again.

~brittany

(1-11-10)

An End.

my tears fall down
they stain my face
it's because of you,
i'll make this clear,
only you

this existence is fleeting
and you could have never felt for me
like i did for you
like i do for you

and so i'll waste my time
with jerk boys
wondering if they'll be true
if i can feel without you

i swear after tonight
i'll no longer put pen to paper and bring to light
this weakness in me
i won't hurt you because of me

the wind is cruel
it cuts to bone
i thrash and i fight
i won't be alone
i'm not as strong as you
i can't let this die

you had me, you gave me away
my tears fall down
they stain my face
as you continue to turn away
and say "im in crisis"
ever focused on yourself
on your faults
like some sick game
that you never try to win

and so i'll waste my time
with jerk boys, beautiful boys,
wondering if they'll be true
if i can feel for them like i feel for you

and i swear after tonight
i'll no longer put pen to paper and bring to light
this pain in me
i won't ever tell you
how close i was to breaking

i'll let the greed to see your smile
slowly, slowly let it die

and all these words i thought i'd never say
come out and i'm full of shame
full of fear,
why won't this die?
why can't i let this die?

I am fleeting!
these words will soon be done
and i'll waste my time
with beautiful boys
knowing that i will love them all
and wondering if i will stay this vulnerable
wondering if they can hurt me
because you broke this cold shell open
forever...
forever...

and i swear, after tonight
i'll no longer put pen to paper and bring to light
this stupidity in me
and i'll never tell you
that these are words i'd never say
because this weakness in me makes me full of shame

~brittany
2-25-10

feathers

i could fly up in the air,
holding onto your hand
but oh great one
how i must let go

drifting, things are out of place
chaotic and unstable
and nothing that i wanted it to be

my throat burns,
as i gasp for air
and i grasp blindly for something solid

my old bones, they shake
my youthful vitality has faded
i dont know where im going
and it's safer this way

i can not stop
and im falling
im falling and calling for the great winged beast
of myth
to fall back in time
and never give me wings

useless things
uncontrollable
glorious
and in my hands
they are wax
as i fly too close to the sun

and i find myself
falling
freer than i have ever known
with wicked chains of fear trailing
me

and as i hit the glossy surface
upon a bed of down
i hear the cries echoing from all around
and its glorious as i stand
as i brush off the sand
and rise like ashes
soaring, attempting, again and again

as the unknown decorates my soul,
i am free and beautiful
and the world is left, drowning in feathers
shed like tears
that i can not cry
it is left
far far behind.

~brittany
12-30-10
((..written as a whim and bidden by my dreams and suggested my mike saxer to actually put into creation. im not sure about it but we'll see...))

terminal

Scents harass my nose
my melting nose
I throw my hands up
sheilding myself, protecting myself
but still they invade

my eyes tear up
the acid corrodes my sight
I throw my hands up
sheilding myself, protecting myself
but still it eats through me

thorns stab my tongue
bloody and bitter
I throw my hands up
sheilding myself, protecting myself
but still they stab into me

sirens violate my ears
piercing through all my thoughts, my sanity
I throw my hands up
sheilding myself, protecting myself
but still the sound wont stop

my fingers graze the damp cloths
they use to cool me down
I throw my hands up
sheilding myself, protecting myself
but still the heat wont leave

it's dark here
and im all alone
lost in my drowning lungs
too weak to move
too dead to be alive
I throw my hands up
sheilding myself, protecting myself

but still the machine lurches
and the doors open and shut
pretty nurses tend to me
as the
scents of sterility paint me in this bed
alone,
encaged in my senses
in my darkest hour
I throw my hands up
sheilding myself, protecting myself,

the doors open
the pack of people move
and i sway with them
am pushed along with them
harassed, stabbed, damp
stuck in this terminal state.

~brittany
seems to kinda shift in the middle, im not sure if im feeling the shift but i like the words
1-11-01