Consumed

I thought I saw you
today, just a glimpse
as I was walking past
just a flicker...

I swear I could
feel you today, A
cold, prickling on
my skin, a pressure
in my chest, there-
then gone

I tasted you today-
I know i did-
in the midst of
self-discipline enough
to make my soul
fragile, I tasted you
on my tongue- a
gnawing hunger grew
in me-
bitter, painful,
terrifying

Time ticks by
and I know you're
coming out soon,
to greet me in the
mirror,
in my soul,
right before my
very eyes

I ate you today,
consumed you head
to toe, bone-flesh-
blood-tooth-nail,
I devoured you
in hopes of getting
rid of you, today-
forever-

I heard you just now,
an echo, a scream
bending and churning in my
stomach-crawling up
my throat-
exposing yourself in my very
skin

I don't know who I am
today
It's all a blur
so chaotic and impressive

Was I meant to be
this way?
In my every fiber,
I am a stranger
unholy, godforsaken,
a bestial creature
pouring poison through every
touch of lips

I don't know who
I am today,
more alive than I've ever been
Not a scared puppet,
but some powerful master

I ate myself
the fragile bits
and left myself
to the wilderness

and now I watch as the
black raw power
in me,
grows

It was overwhelming,
all this living
a bright, yet
short flame

Positively domineering
I couldn't be alive
forever...
I couldn't experience
this...perfect..forever

All inside of me
creating beauty,
creating devastation
heating my body up-
i no longer need breathing

but i am Being-
powerful-
a perfect creature
with deadly hands,
terrifying hands
that lay wake to mine
own death
even still, I feel
perfection

I felt myself today,
lived in it's beauty
It was a brilliant flame
in the dark sky,
all this beauty and I,
died quickly
but for a few moments,
I was alive, powerful,
I felt it, I
felt perfect.
~brittany ((..after watching Black Swan))
2/5/11